oks.
lots of photos.
and i guess i wanna change blogskin again.
fri
sports day sucks totally.
pizza hut is nice, esp with my girlfriends. =)
went to town with Yixian and shopped for some stuffs and was totally wear out when i reached hm. so went to slp at 7.30pm.
BUT, mister John woke me up at 9plus, askg me to go movies.
sorry i cant make it, becos of my mom, another time.
and i still cant slp at 12. -_-"
nvm. nvm. nvm.
sat
lessons and lessons~ frm 8am alllll the way to 12.30noon on a FINE SATURDAY MORNING.
oh damn* why is life so miserable? haha.
but anyway, i meet mr sim in sch i spoke to him. he told me to do well for my O's.
i almost wanted him to be my counsellor. haha. but i didnt manage to spout nonsense infront of him.
after that i chiong to sentosa with yixian and puikheng to tan ourselves.
FYI, i didnt get tanned much. sian0.78
arRgH. but nvm, its quite fun anyway.
oks, thats abt it. HAPPY LABOUR DAY ~
damn. i am so bloody oblivious. i feel like a fool. my girlfriends are all upset and unhappy becos of certain stuffs and i don even realise it. I'm sorry. seriously sorry. i may not say this to you girls, but i just hope that if theres anything , please* call me or whatsoever. cause' is like i dont wan you people to be drowning in misery and smiling to me .
i'm seriously sorry. i haven been playing my part as a friend well. sorry. thats what i can say . and if i can make it up, i will.
it may not be true when people say 'i'm ok' or 'i'm fine' .
i may seem unconcerned, but its not true!
cause' i cant even help myself, you see.
i also need a helping hand + listening ears. not blaming anyone.
just wanna say that life is not smooth sailing. its cliche but its damn true.
i will listen as much as i can. but i cant promise you that i can help you with the prob.
seriously, i'm sorry.
to all my buds* : i love you guys and thank you alot. =) anything please call me and share with me ok? =)
me & puikheng~
lamer^girls. stay hip~
darling cindy and me~ love her lotsa.
xxinyann and Me~ wuHa~
its thursday today, and tml's friday and Ho Or Ay! no lessons tml~
yaya, i think you might think that i'm complaining again . . haha. no choice thats my style.
tired ah, still very tired and lethargic.
nothing much to update lehh. but i'm just purely bored and has nothing better to do.
i know i can study but you know, its after sch and i'm too tired to do it.
but something fun happened.
was very late in meetg xinyan this morning, so she suggested to take a cab down to my hse downstairs. and very coincidentally, she cant hail a cab and elson happened to pass by and both 'em took a cab down.
and john happened to be late, again. so he walked down to my hse (now you know why hes my walking-hm kaki, cos' its so near!) and the 4 of us happily took a cab to sch.
people, take care and bless you. +)
i still cant get to my page. can anyone tell me why?
am still feeling lethargic and down.
probably is because of the weather. so humid and gross .
goodness gracious me* the weather has been so horrible, makes me feel sick and tired and restless and bored and unable to concentrate well and blah blah blah.
i guess a few days back, some of my classmates were quite rude and unreasonable to my Eng teacher. i dare not say that she's damn bloody good at teaching us, but you know, basic respect must be there and they just cant seem to understand. obviously the teacher is disappointed, upset, unhappy and blah blah blah. but forgive and forget.
damn* its that bloody phrase again. everyone is saying that, but can anyone really seriously practice it? I'm sorry, i'm one of them who dont practice what i preach.
i donno , perhaps i'm just still drowning in my own world.
someone said something to me ytd. he made me face the harsh reality that i've been escaping from.
he's cool, thanks. but i really hate to return to something i've ran away from.
no wish to talk abt it too. however, i know that one fine day i have to face it again. escaping is a coward's way of doing things. and i'm one too and i know it.
i'm just not brave enough and strong enough to do it. please forgive me*
( guess you know who you are lah, btw, i think i need one more session of counselling. haha)
P.S
Thanks my dear lao ma for taking care of me. =)
miss cindy, dont be upset and please* know that i'll be there for you.
mister waikit. takecare. anything can msg me kks?
hmm. . if its down, then its my luck.
whats up with today, i'm not sure.
warm like hell and everyone like bad mood.
completed my bio assisgnment halfway throu and i'm really tired.
Mister John was afraid that i might fall aslp while walking.
btw, he's my walking hm kaki. +P
commenting on everyone's bad mood, i guess is like theres time when we need to keep to ourselves.
don overdo it and PEACE OUT~
have been very lethargic these few days and i'm seriously tired out by everything.
so please* joke with me if you see me.
thannnnnk youu.
hope you guys enjoy too. =)
haven entered any entries for a few days and i dont have alot to comment on, except the following:
on sat, i wasnt sick lah. just had some unusual bone aches on my body.
seen the doc. waiting to visit a rheumotologist (i guess its spelt like that) @TTSH.
but overall, i'm still fine and my bones arent so brittle. dont treat me like a patient or alien please*
on fri, miss laoma, miss cindy and mister john wasted alot of water eh?
kids, don do that again? =) haha.
basically thats all. thnks for reading!
1. Miss Fifa, please stop touching and molesting me! i might have a pyschological problem in future.
2. Mister John, if you read this, please stop peeking at my blog. wahahaha. nah, just kidding. of cos i'd welcome ya to visit my blog. tag tag tag` please jio me go hm when you wanna go hm. -_-" wth am i talking abt?
3. Miss LaoMa, aka TAN HWEE BOON. you'd better watch out. wahahahaha.
okays, i haven blogged for a few days and i think i have quite alot to say. haha.
firstly, today i seat outside my classroom during english class to do my SITUATIONAL WRITING TEST. please dont take it as i was being punished. thnks. its embarrassing enough oks?
secondly, i wanna eat roti prata!
thirdly, i can only spend S$1 per day . so if you're nice enough, you can gimme a treat and i'll not reject it. haha.
i just got a water treat from miss laoma, and i'm not quite happy abt this water treat, if you know what i mean you'll agree with me. i wanna take revenge!
i also wanna thank all my friends for being concerned abt me cos' i absent myself from school for 2days.
know you guys missed me right. haha. thanks alot. =)
i did damn badly for my napfa (which ever way its spelt) and i'm paiseh oks! and i'm not sure why my bloody tag board is problematic. and i viewed Miss Fifa's blog and found out that her blog was same with mine. why ah? dont care. MISS FIFA, please stop asking me to tag. its not i don wanna tag, its just that your tag board got problem!
peace out`
thanks for all the concern frm my buds*
THANK YOU.
i'm in the room, with my mom for the past 10mins and i haven spoke to her. neither did she speak to me.
she's like a stranger to me now. what actually happened?
i wish i know why.
we wasnt like that in the past.
i hope i'm just being overly sensitive.
i went to 'visit' Mister MSJ with jiawen and melfie.
the feeling was so unreal and i cannot imagine his body being buried inside.
he's so close to us, yet we cant speak to him anymore. its a regret and pity. i regretted walking past him without really speaking to him when he's still with us.
but now, i guess its too late. But if he is still around, i hope he knows that we still love him and he lives in our memory forever.
luckily melfie was with us, if not we sure in a loss of what to do.
there was this weird old man kept laughing at us abt us not taking his advices, blah blah blah.
and i feel that the muslim cemetary is a very holy place.
it didnt give me those shivers but instead the feeling of warmth and sense of belonging.
i donno why i feel this way. it gives me a special feeling.
i would wanna pay my respect to him again if possible.
godblessme.please*
i hope things will turn well from tomorrow onwards.
i dont wanna feel alone. its not my buds. its my home, or rather my mom.
its not a home anyone. its just a place that i isolate myself from the so-called family members. donno whether its my problem or not. i just don feel like entertaining them anymore esp. my mom. i love her. but does she know?
i was watching a drama and was crying like hell and i asked myself, " am i crying becos of the show or isit i feel empty?"
waikit : u knw how it feels to b left alone by ur loved 1. when they can b wif u,
bt they choose not to
i wanna let ya know that i know it damn bloody well . i guess no one knows it better den i do. i just said to be my mom's pillar. but who will be mine? i want my mom. but she will nv understand how i feel. i've talked and said my piece. she choose to neglect.
i'm tired. i'm pressurized. i'm fked up. i'm sad. i'm disappointed. i'm anything but happy..
is it just me or what? or everyone experience this? i donno. seriously, i donno.
i'm in a mess right now and i know that its time for me to only concentrate on my studies.
i wont kill myself. cos i'm still hopeful that my life will be better tml .
cos i know that the more i cry, the braver i'll become and sooner or later, i can depend on myself. just like before.
to cindy and waikit : i'm sorry i cant help. it seems like i'm in deeper shit den both of you.
but don give up on each other, don be like me and my mom oks?
anything must call and update me ok? though i cant resolve it for you guys, but i can listen and cry with you, curse and swear with you. so anything do gimme a call and scream your lungs out together. =)
me : ya lor. oh*sosweet. i also wan. but i wan brother (elder)
yixian : you be my sis lah, then be as nice as her
me: eh, lend me money leh, i wanna take cab hm.
yixian : ok lah, 70cents is all i have .
me : aiya, ok lah.
yixian : then you'll be my sister for 70years.
me : -_-"
that was the conversation i shared with Ms Yixian after coming out of Mister Zhuwen's flat.
indeed, his sis is one of the nicest sis i ever met and i'm so full of jealousy. haha.
ok lah, maybe just being envious. *gosh i hope i have a elder bro thats handsome, cute, nice, caring towards me. WuHa~ FYI, i enjoy daydreaming. haha.
and of cos, Mister doggie BobbY was also the centre of attention. oh*socute!
but a bit dirty lahh, shitted on the grass patch and urinated everywhere.
oh* btw, Mister Zhuwen fractured his elbow and out of concern and pure boredom , we visited him at his place.
after that 2 weeks of torturing milk-drinking + medicine-taking days, my legs, or rather, my bones still ache like nobody's business. goodness*gracious me. when am i gonna recover? and out of excitement, i promised to earn another 2pts for my class. thats the 200m and shortput event.
damn* my adrenaline producing gland is problematic. wahahaha. laugh for all you wan. i wont , definitely not win the races but like i always say, its my style. =P
sometimes i wonder when ppl read my blog how will they feel ? aiya, dont care.
i'm me. the un-egoistic girl with lousy glands and bones. wahahaha.
*anyone take pity on me and donate some bones and useful glands to me?
honestly i feel quite bad abt my attitude towards her lahh, but as all my buds* know, i seldom talk to her lahh. so you know, i'm finding some lame excuses to conceal my guilt. SORRY*
p.s. To my darling, brother, consultant, Mister Michael
& Mister Zhuwen, my dear pig
GET WELL SOON. MISS YA*
ok. lemme talk abt smthing i'm proud of. erhmm. i joined the 400m heats @YJC lehh.
obviously i didnt win but i still feel contented. its my first time joining a race for sports day and i got that pathetic one pt for my class . i just feel good abt it. haha.
and ytd, i saw a really nice guy who almost stop being friend with his friend just to get back a handphone for my dear friend. i wouldnt believe it if i didnt see it for myself. Oh*sosweeet.
today is a raining day and somehow has dampened my mood. basically is because of my painful, troublesome legs and my head, that contained little grey matter.
and i gave all my buds* a hard time. SORRY* seriously. cos' i wasnt feeling that good.
esp. to my horsey laoma* darling cindy* and bud jimmy aka leong bro* SORRY**
tight schedule for me. aRrgh* monday to saturday, every single day i have to return to sch . gosh* how am i gonna survive til O's ? i sototally lethargic and restless nowadays.
ok. i was thinking if Mister MSJ is still with us, i'm sure the 400m and 3000m race, he'll be in it and definitely win smthing back. hmm . . i donno whether its a good thing to continue talking abt him as if he's still with us, or just put it in the bottom of our heart and back of our mind. i also afraid that the lesser we talked abt him , the more easily we'll forget him. godblessme.please*
its a hard decision to make. and i still prefer talking abt him. and if i talk to you abt him and you're uncomfortable with it, please* lemme know oks?
i count myself lucky that i'm still able to walk , run, jump, talk, see, hear and fool ard. and i'm contented with my life.
it would be even better if my schedule is more flexible.
nthing has been going out right for me, i donno why, probably just me being overly sensitive. but still have to carry with my life no matter how.
i've been wanting to pay my respect to the late Mister MSJ and i want to do it like asap, like this sat?
anyone interested, please do gimme a call. btw, if you're a young sweet lady, please make sure its not 'that few days of the month' kk?
went back to the sembawang family service centre to visit our old friends with my dear horsey darling and nana. very fun and i'm beginning to become retrospective, yet again. haha.
abt that B.O.N.D family thing blah blah blah. but i just feel proud everytime i mention it. cos' its OUR HARD WORK alrights? =P
anyway, i'm sototally stressed up to see my tests schedules and i realise i really needa buck up now before its far too late. damn. i realise its just like a few more months to O's. godblessme.please*
and! i'm gonna take part in the 400m heats tml @YJC. for that pathetic one pt. obviously i'm not gonna win, but just go for that one pt. its gonna make a difference ok? don look down on me. haha.
*SOB. i got superly molested by that freak named FIFA and i'm not ever gonna forget that. one day, i'm gonna take revenge and molest her! wahahaha. and my sovery un-empathetic friend, huiwen did not empathise and sympatise with me. damn her. haha.
and i viewed MISS FIFA's blog and realised she has HIS pic. donno why i have that urge to tear again. i may act as if nthing had happen and talk to everyone as if HE was still with us, but everytime i think of HIM, tears will sorta like trickle down . Jiawen, if you ever read this, i just wanna let ya know, if you need someone to talk to, laugh with, cry with, and embarrass ourselves, theres ME. lets move forward together , of cos, not forgetting to miss him once in awhile. =)
but my dear friend , Mister MSJ has left us. and til now, i still miss him.
16July1989 to 26March2005.
i just saw our sec1E2 '03 class photo.
he was there, sitting right in front. smiling. botak. handsome. and of cos, breathing.
but now, he's not with us anymore. not ever again.
he can only live in our memories and if i can, i wanna rmber him forever.
he was such a nice , sweet-tempered guy.
i attended the wake on 27Mar. i still visualize that scene.
him lying there, immoblised.
i had the urge to shake him and wake him up. but obviously, thats a childish thought.
he's never coming back and i know that.
we'll learn to accept this fact, afterall its part and parcel of life.
i've grown up, literally, seriously.
i just read a blogger's thoughts and i realised that she actually went through the same thing, or at least theres the other woman part. initially, i felt embarrassed abt the fact that my dearest daddy had a woman outside. but i realised soon enough, hey i'm not at fault. why shld i be the one who feels ashamed? i find him so fking fake when he wears that fking smile on his damn face and pretends as if nthing has happened. wtf. i just cant help it but feel that hes a fking hypocrite. the way he laughs with my mom, the way he made my mom cry like. . whatever you wanna visualize as. my life was in total utmost mess and i just cant bring myself to speak to him . i'm no longer part of the family because of my stubborness (they like to say) and my fking attitude (they like to bitch abt that) . i'm not a fault , hello!? why am i always tearing like a spoilt tap and when nobody give a damn.
i see no reason to cry like nobody's business and i often tell myself to be strong because if any day he would leave us, i'll be my mom's pillar. someone that she can gladly rely on , without worrying i would let her go like what he did.
seriously, i'm sovery proud of this achievement.
obviously with help. like duh? who can do it without help?
its so bloody complicated and confusing.
and worse still, i forgot my username to this blog. FYI, the num. of blogspots i have is totally uncountable. and i just created a brand new one and i cant rmber my username. can anyone help me? shite, i think i just forgot my password too. dammmmn.
i'm sovery damn bloody forgetful and i cant help it.
maybe a nice helpful kind-hearted (i've used up my adj) doc will come and lemme know what i lack of in my diet.